I have not posted in some time. I don't have much to say now, except to explain that I have been taken up with finding work, and had a two week trip to Israel-Palestine a little less than a month ago. Since, I have been very focused on the aftermath and processing of that trip, which has left me little time for this blog.
I will give more thoughts soon, I hope, but my mind is taken up with issues of peace and justice at the moment, and don't want to force some canned integration of ecological and social justice, though they are clearly and inarguably linked as one. More soon. Thanks for hanging in there.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Book Recommendations and My Week of Veganism
Hola. I grieve my long absence from blogging. I am reading two books right now that I will endorse with whole-heartedness. One I have already referenced, Deep Economy, by Bill McKibben. Number two is The Universe Story, by Briann Swimme and Thomas Berry. A really amazing cosmological narrative that connects humans to the unfolding emergence of the universe, instead of leaving us as disconnected a-historical, anti-ecological, unnatural beings who exist outside of the rest of the universe and it's developments. Really enjoying both, though on a limited basis, because I have been given the opportunity to travel to Jerusalem in a little less than three weeks, and most of my reading has been directed there.
Other news; I felt inspired to venture into Veganism for a week, and see how it felt. I felt great the first three, maybe four days, then I think I started to go downhill. It was harder to sleep (I was becoming what chinese medicine folk call "Yin Deficient"), finally, after a very bad night's sleep followed by a long time of basketball in the heat, my body simply refused to recover. I broke a day early, had some milk and some cow meat. I must say that my body is beginning to restore itself. I enjoyed the venture, and I really did this time with a lot of care and wisdom, and it still did not take. I would have loved for it to, but it is nice to give up meat for a while. This was my first venture into veganism, and I researched to know the supplements I would need and to have proper sources of food nutrients, protein, etc. Alas. I love and admire my friends who are vegans, though some seem less healthy than others. I also have yet to meet a vegan who does not subsist largely on coffee. Something I simply cannot do. I have many reasons that go into this - health (physical and mental/emotional) and finances being primary. Still, with all things, there is not this falsely dualistic choice between carnivorous and vegan. There is a continuum. I seek to ingest animal products that are humanely raised, organically fed, and small farm/locally sourced. These are all very important to me. I also seek to eat mindfully, offering prayers and gratitude for the life that goes into sustaining my own. Perhaps some hardcore vegans/vegetarians don't care a bit if I pray over my dead animal before I eat it, but I do. To me, it means something.
I continue to seek ways that I can live mindfully aware of my interconnections with the world around me. I must not pretend that my actions have no effect. I must also be aware that good intentions are good, but the system we live in necessitates greater depths to our mindfulness practices. I.e. research into the food we eat, the effects of our actions and choices, and response accordingly. Much more to say on this later, as you probably well know by now.
I will encourage my blog followers to look into Thich Nhat Hanh's newest book: The World We Have: Buddhist Approaches to Peace and Ecology. I have not read more than a little bit, but I know his work, and the bit I have read makes me think that this is one of his best books yet, if not his best. Much love and many blessings,
Jonathan.
Other news; I felt inspired to venture into Veganism for a week, and see how it felt. I felt great the first three, maybe four days, then I think I started to go downhill. It was harder to sleep (I was becoming what chinese medicine folk call "Yin Deficient"), finally, after a very bad night's sleep followed by a long time of basketball in the heat, my body simply refused to recover. I broke a day early, had some milk and some cow meat. I must say that my body is beginning to restore itself. I enjoyed the venture, and I really did this time with a lot of care and wisdom, and it still did not take. I would have loved for it to, but it is nice to give up meat for a while. This was my first venture into veganism, and I researched to know the supplements I would need and to have proper sources of food nutrients, protein, etc. Alas. I love and admire my friends who are vegans, though some seem less healthy than others. I also have yet to meet a vegan who does not subsist largely on coffee. Something I simply cannot do. I have many reasons that go into this - health (physical and mental/emotional) and finances being primary. Still, with all things, there is not this falsely dualistic choice between carnivorous and vegan. There is a continuum. I seek to ingest animal products that are humanely raised, organically fed, and small farm/locally sourced. These are all very important to me. I also seek to eat mindfully, offering prayers and gratitude for the life that goes into sustaining my own. Perhaps some hardcore vegans/vegetarians don't care a bit if I pray over my dead animal before I eat it, but I do. To me, it means something.
I continue to seek ways that I can live mindfully aware of my interconnections with the world around me. I must not pretend that my actions have no effect. I must also be aware that good intentions are good, but the system we live in necessitates greater depths to our mindfulness practices. I.e. research into the food we eat, the effects of our actions and choices, and response accordingly. Much more to say on this later, as you probably well know by now.
I will encourage my blog followers to look into Thich Nhat Hanh's newest book: The World We Have: Buddhist Approaches to Peace and Ecology. I have not read more than a little bit, but I know his work, and the bit I have read makes me think that this is one of his best books yet, if not his best. Much love and many blessings,
Jonathan.
Friday, June 12, 2009
PS
More soon that goes a little deeper. The practical stuff is good, really important, but it doesn't really last for most of us. I want to return to where ecology penetrates the heart and transforms who we think we are.
J (see below link if you haven't already)
J (see below link if you haven't already)
Sick of Junk Mail?
So am I!! Check out this website to stop your junk mail, which, by the way, destroys a grotesque amount of trees every year just to be thrown away. Let's do something for the earth and for our sanity.
Here's the site: http://mailstopper.tonic.com/
Peace.
Here's the site: http://mailstopper.tonic.com/
Peace.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Father's Day
With Father's Day upcoming, I thought I would present some ideas from Nature.org that are not traditional, but, after all, this blog brings the awareness that some traditions have harmed us deeply, spiritually and ecologically.
http://support.nature.org/site/PageServer?pagename=holidaygiving_xx_hgg
There are of course other ecologically/spiritually responsible ways of celebrating Father's day. I will say I have done nothing so noble as planting trees in Brazil this year, though I endorse it highly. I simply want to pass on possibilities for choosing differently. If not now, then some day, or for someone (like me) who would appreciate such a gesture in lieu of "normal" gift givings.
For now.
http://support.nature.org/site/PageServer?pagename=holidaygiving_xx_hgg
There are of course other ecologically/spiritually responsible ways of celebrating Father's day. I will say I have done nothing so noble as planting trees in Brazil this year, though I endorse it highly. I simply want to pass on possibilities for choosing differently. If not now, then some day, or for someone (like me) who would appreciate such a gesture in lieu of "normal" gift givings.
For now.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Deep Economy
From Deep Economy, by Bill McKibben:
"When Thomas Newcomen [who invented the steam engine] fired up his pump that day in 1712, the atmosphere was 275 parts per million carbon dioxide. All our burning since has increased that number to 380 parts per million, igher than it's been for many millions of years. And we're starting to see the results - in fact, we're starting to see that the results are much more dire than scientists predicted even a few years ago. The year 2005 was the warmest on record, and nine of the ten hottest years were in the decade that preceded it; as a result of that heat, about an extra degree Fahrenheit globally averaged, all kinds of odd things have begun to happen. For instance, everything frozen on earth is melting, and melting fast. In the fall of 2005, polar researchers reported that Arctice ice had apparently passed a "tipping point": so much sun-reflecting white ice had been turned to heat-absorbing blue water that the process was now irreversible. Meanwhile, other scientists showed that because of longer growing seasons, temperate soils and forests like the ones across America were now seeing more decay, and hence giving off more of their stored carbon, accelerating the warming trend. So far, this young millennium has already seen a killer heat wave that killed fifty-two thousand people across Europe in the course of a couple of weeks, and an Atlantic hurricane season so bizarrely intense that we ran out of letters in the alphabet for naming storms. The point is, climate change is not some future specter; it's already emerging as the biggest problem the world faces.\
And it's only just begun. The median predictions of the world's climatologists - by no means the worst-case scenarios - show that unless we take truly enormous steps to rein in our use of fossil fuels we can expect that the globally averaged temperature will rise another four or five degrees before the century is out. If that happens, the world will be warmer than it's been for millions of years, long before primates appeared on the planet. We don't know exactly what that world would feel like, but almost every guess is hideous. Since warm air holds more water vapor than cold air, for instance, we can expect more drought in the middles of our continents where grain growing is concentrated, and more floods on the coasts where many people live. The World Health Organization expects vast increases in mosquito-borne disease. Researchers warned in 2006 that climate change could kill 184 million people in Africa alone before this century is out [I wonder if Americans will even care that much], destruction on a scale so staggering it has no precedent. We might as well have a contest to pick a new name for Earth, because it will be a differnet planet. Humans have never done anything bigger, not even the invention of nuclear weapons." (pages 20-21, last italics mine).
Here's me, Jonathan, again: This isn't meant as a doomsday scare or a sort of end times prophecy. And it's not meant solely to guilt you (or me). It is meant to illuminate, and to sit with you. I will write more soon on what I think in response to this, and I have many thoughts. But there's a choice we have in light of this as to how we will live. We might not be able to end global warming, or mitigate it's consequences, but we can stop contributing to it. And we can help others learn how to do so as well. This can begin in very very very small ways. Hang dry your clothes. Drive less - significantly less. Switch your light bulbs to energy efficient bulbs, and turn them off whenever you're not using them. Turning everything off when you're not using it. Not fearfully or legalistically, but mindfully. Turn your computers off, not on sleep or standby, wherein they still use small amounts of power. When 200 million computers are left in sleep, small amounts of power turn into huge amounts of power. This is not about whether or not others will join you. It is about making your life into a prayer. A prayer for change, transformation, awareness.
Look into options your city or town might have in terms of alternative sources of energy. In pasadena you can purchase energy from 100% wind powered source for 2.5 cents extra per Kw. For us this amounts to just over 5 dollars extra every two months. It is also a way to make us more aware of unnecessary usage of power. It might, because of this mindfulness raising, end up that we pay less because we are more conscientious.
Know that Global Warming is not the only environmental issue facing us today. It is not even the only critical issue facing us. And, in some communities, it is not even the most critical, on an immediate level. But herein is a problem. Dividing up ecological issues into individual "problems" to be solved one by one in the same technocratic ways that got us into the predicaments to begin with. It is a huge problem, and it is symptomatic that something has gone wrong. Massively, massively wrong!
Begin to be mindful - of the air you breathe, that we breathe together. Be mindful of the way in which our actions affect that air - our leaving lights on, our driving, our flying to see family or friends, our food buying choices... A gallon of gasoline emits about 5 pounds of carbon into the atmosphere. This is part of mindfulness. Knowing the numbers. Knowing the facts. It is part of prayer - real, embodied prayer.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. "I can't live like that (whatever your idea of what the ideal lifestyle might be) so I will just have to keep on doing what I've been doing." It's not all or nothing. There are small ways in which you can perform life differently now. There are spaces in life where you can shift, ever so slightly, fro one way of being to another. Don't get caught up in what you think you can't do, focus on what you can do - now, in this moment. Don't worry about whether it is "enough." It doesn't have to be "enough," only a beginning. The rest of the path can worry about itself, worry about the step in front of you. Where are you now? Stay with that for a few days. Don't make it about guilt/shame or about whether you can stop global warming. It's not about being depressed, hopeful, discouraged or encouraged. It's simply a fact before us, confronting us with the way we have envisioned ourselves as humans and Americans in the world. Mindfulness and prayer mean that change is necessary. One step at a time. Not about preventing it, about living differently, and helping others live differently as well.
Blessings.
"When Thomas Newcomen [who invented the steam engine] fired up his pump that day in 1712, the atmosphere was 275 parts per million carbon dioxide. All our burning since has increased that number to 380 parts per million, igher than it's been for many millions of years. And we're starting to see the results - in fact, we're starting to see that the results are much more dire than scientists predicted even a few years ago. The year 2005 was the warmest on record, and nine of the ten hottest years were in the decade that preceded it; as a result of that heat, about an extra degree Fahrenheit globally averaged, all kinds of odd things have begun to happen. For instance, everything frozen on earth is melting, and melting fast. In the fall of 2005, polar researchers reported that Arctice ice had apparently passed a "tipping point": so much sun-reflecting white ice had been turned to heat-absorbing blue water that the process was now irreversible. Meanwhile, other scientists showed that because of longer growing seasons, temperate soils and forests like the ones across America were now seeing more decay, and hence giving off more of their stored carbon, accelerating the warming trend. So far, this young millennium has already seen a killer heat wave that killed fifty-two thousand people across Europe in the course of a couple of weeks, and an Atlantic hurricane season so bizarrely intense that we ran out of letters in the alphabet for naming storms. The point is, climate change is not some future specter; it's already emerging as the biggest problem the world faces.\
And it's only just begun. The median predictions of the world's climatologists - by no means the worst-case scenarios - show that unless we take truly enormous steps to rein in our use of fossil fuels we can expect that the globally averaged temperature will rise another four or five degrees before the century is out. If that happens, the world will be warmer than it's been for millions of years, long before primates appeared on the planet. We don't know exactly what that world would feel like, but almost every guess is hideous. Since warm air holds more water vapor than cold air, for instance, we can expect more drought in the middles of our continents where grain growing is concentrated, and more floods on the coasts where many people live. The World Health Organization expects vast increases in mosquito-borne disease. Researchers warned in 2006 that climate change could kill 184 million people in Africa alone before this century is out [I wonder if Americans will even care that much], destruction on a scale so staggering it has no precedent. We might as well have a contest to pick a new name for Earth, because it will be a differnet planet. Humans have never done anything bigger, not even the invention of nuclear weapons." (pages 20-21, last italics mine).
Here's me, Jonathan, again: This isn't meant as a doomsday scare or a sort of end times prophecy. And it's not meant solely to guilt you (or me). It is meant to illuminate, and to sit with you. I will write more soon on what I think in response to this, and I have many thoughts. But there's a choice we have in light of this as to how we will live. We might not be able to end global warming, or mitigate it's consequences, but we can stop contributing to it. And we can help others learn how to do so as well. This can begin in very very very small ways. Hang dry your clothes. Drive less - significantly less. Switch your light bulbs to energy efficient bulbs, and turn them off whenever you're not using them. Turning everything off when you're not using it. Not fearfully or legalistically, but mindfully. Turn your computers off, not on sleep or standby, wherein they still use small amounts of power. When 200 million computers are left in sleep, small amounts of power turn into huge amounts of power. This is not about whether or not others will join you. It is about making your life into a prayer. A prayer for change, transformation, awareness.
Look into options your city or town might have in terms of alternative sources of energy. In pasadena you can purchase energy from 100% wind powered source for 2.5 cents extra per Kw. For us this amounts to just over 5 dollars extra every two months. It is also a way to make us more aware of unnecessary usage of power. It might, because of this mindfulness raising, end up that we pay less because we are more conscientious.
Know that Global Warming is not the only environmental issue facing us today. It is not even the only critical issue facing us. And, in some communities, it is not even the most critical, on an immediate level. But herein is a problem. Dividing up ecological issues into individual "problems" to be solved one by one in the same technocratic ways that got us into the predicaments to begin with. It is a huge problem, and it is symptomatic that something has gone wrong. Massively, massively wrong!
Begin to be mindful - of the air you breathe, that we breathe together. Be mindful of the way in which our actions affect that air - our leaving lights on, our driving, our flying to see family or friends, our food buying choices... A gallon of gasoline emits about 5 pounds of carbon into the atmosphere. This is part of mindfulness. Knowing the numbers. Knowing the facts. It is part of prayer - real, embodied prayer.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. "I can't live like that (whatever your idea of what the ideal lifestyle might be) so I will just have to keep on doing what I've been doing." It's not all or nothing. There are small ways in which you can perform life differently now. There are spaces in life where you can shift, ever so slightly, fro one way of being to another. Don't get caught up in what you think you can't do, focus on what you can do - now, in this moment. Don't worry about whether it is "enough." It doesn't have to be "enough," only a beginning. The rest of the path can worry about itself, worry about the step in front of you. Where are you now? Stay with that for a few days. Don't make it about guilt/shame or about whether you can stop global warming. It's not about being depressed, hopeful, discouraged or encouraged. It's simply a fact before us, confronting us with the way we have envisioned ourselves as humans and Americans in the world. Mindfulness and prayer mean that change is necessary. One step at a time. Not about preventing it, about living differently, and helping others live differently as well.
Blessings.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Sabbath
Something that has been spinning in my mind lately. If you look to my April 16 blog, there is a lot about rest - about Sabbath. As I looked through the bible a few weeks later, I realized that the biblical injunctions to rest included a relatively expansive list: You are to rest, your family, your animals, your servants, and any stranger and alien within your gate. Since you, your animals, and your servants are resting, therefore so does the land. Everything is given time to rest, sacred rest.
I think that one of the most meaningful and important ways we could apply this scripture today is to think of an energy rest. One day a week (and, if a week is too much, one day a month) set aside to be kept holy, sacred. A day (sundown to sundown) in which we use no energy, whether it is petrol or electric. We rest our cars, our appliances, our clocks, our air conditioners (if there is no danger to one's physical health in so doing), etc. We unplug everything. But we don't just make it a day of abstention. We take the time we would normally be driving, watching tv, listening to music, etc., and we sit with each other. We share meals, with families, with communities, with ourselves. We take time for reflection, for meditation, for going out to visit nature - a lake, a creek, a field. We don't make it an ascetic practice, but a way of honoring the beauty of the world without any electronic distractions. On the pragmatic side - imagine the massive impact upon carbon emissions if even half of the people of this country stopped driving and using electric power for ONE day a month, or moreso, one day a week, sundown to sundown. We sit in candlelight (I would allow for my own sabbath to be blessed with candlelight) and honor time together for sacred communion, reflection, and celebration. I encourage you all to think about it, and make it a day of beauty. Try one. Don't think about one day a week, or even a month. Try one day, Friday night to Saturday night. Make your meals in advance, plan what you will do. Have people over. Stock up on candles - ones that are kind to our world. See what joy you can have, playing games, writing letters, not being constantly obsessed by what time it is, what you have to get done. Etc.
Just try it. Then tell me what you think. Email your experience(s) to me, no matter when you do it. I want to hear what it is like. jonathan@thewayofpeace.net
I want people to pass this on to their faith communities. I want to see this take root. I am with you on this, I still have to try this, to see how it goes for me, for my wife, for our time together. To think about how it will affect things to live in the heat we live in now, and the cold we might live in one day. Even in the latter case, we could be creative. Families could gather and spend time together at a home with a fireplace. It could be a day of hot chocolate (water or milk boiled over the fire), blankets, etc. etc.
Blessings.
I think that one of the most meaningful and important ways we could apply this scripture today is to think of an energy rest. One day a week (and, if a week is too much, one day a month) set aside to be kept holy, sacred. A day (sundown to sundown) in which we use no energy, whether it is petrol or electric. We rest our cars, our appliances, our clocks, our air conditioners (if there is no danger to one's physical health in so doing), etc. We unplug everything. But we don't just make it a day of abstention. We take the time we would normally be driving, watching tv, listening to music, etc., and we sit with each other. We share meals, with families, with communities, with ourselves. We take time for reflection, for meditation, for going out to visit nature - a lake, a creek, a field. We don't make it an ascetic practice, but a way of honoring the beauty of the world without any electronic distractions. On the pragmatic side - imagine the massive impact upon carbon emissions if even half of the people of this country stopped driving and using electric power for ONE day a month, or moreso, one day a week, sundown to sundown. We sit in candlelight (I would allow for my own sabbath to be blessed with candlelight) and honor time together for sacred communion, reflection, and celebration. I encourage you all to think about it, and make it a day of beauty. Try one. Don't think about one day a week, or even a month. Try one day, Friday night to Saturday night. Make your meals in advance, plan what you will do. Have people over. Stock up on candles - ones that are kind to our world. See what joy you can have, playing games, writing letters, not being constantly obsessed by what time it is, what you have to get done. Etc.
Just try it. Then tell me what you think. Email your experience(s) to me, no matter when you do it. I want to hear what it is like. jonathan@thewayofpeace.net
I want people to pass this on to their faith communities. I want to see this take root. I am with you on this, I still have to try this, to see how it goes for me, for my wife, for our time together. To think about how it will affect things to live in the heat we live in now, and the cold we might live in one day. Even in the latter case, we could be creative. Families could gather and spend time together at a home with a fireplace. It could be a day of hot chocolate (water or milk boiled over the fire), blankets, etc. etc.
Blessings.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
If It Is Not Too Dark
Go for a walk, if it is not too dark.
Get some fresh air, try to smile.
Say something kind
To a safe-looking stranger, if one happens by.
Always exercise your heart's knowing.
You might as well attempt something real
Along this path:
Take your spouse or lover into your arms
The way you did when you first met.
Let tenderness pour from your eyes
Let tenderness pour from your eyes
The way the Sun gazes warmly on the earth.
Play games with some children.
Extend yourself to a friend.
Sing a few ribald songs to your pets and plants -
Why not let them get drunk and wild!
Let's toast
Every rung we've climbed on Evolution's ladder.
Whisper, "I love you! I love you!"
To the whole made world.
Let's stop reading about God -
We will never understand Him [sic].
Jump to your feet, wave your fists,
Threaten and warn the whole Universe
That your heart can no longer live
Without real love!
- "If It Is Not Too Dark" from I Heard God Laughing: Renderings of Hafiz By Daniel Ladinsky, 2006.
This is a poem that inspired me to some of the below sentiments. Wish I could add anything to it, but I'd rather just leave it to speak on its own.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
More
I am a little taken by how easy it is to approach those who have money or those who do damage to the environment without love or compassion - with a dehumanizing spirit that becomes hyper focused upon the goal - tunnel vision, and therefore oblivious to the humanity of the person who becomes an "enemy." I think everything in the spiritual path I seek to walk cries out against this. I cannot abuse people with ecology, any more than I should have ever abused people with "the Bible" (as I read it). Love needs to embrace all beings, even those who we might feel justified in demonizing. Compassion helps us see the fear behind affluence, the emptiness that lurks behind possessions and wealth (even in my own life, which is far from affluent by U.S. standards) - compassion helps us seek a way of healing that fear so that we might all move forward into a new future together. It helps us bridge the lines of bifurcation that have kept us split into camps - oppositional parties who keep distance from each other and stand justified through dehumanizing/demonizing the other party, firmly entrenched, not needing to listen or compromise.
I have much more to say on this topic, but my movie date with my wife calls to me. May we not forfeit the love of God for some perceived "goal" or "project" that we might feel God has called us to. I think God has called us to love, care, and compassion, for the planet, but also for the wealthy. We must not seek to change them because they hurt the environment, but also because they hurt themselves, just as we see our propensity to hurt ourselves through our greed, pride, fear and prejudice. We seek to help them change, because we care deeply for them, we seek, as thich nhat hanh puts it, "through compassionate dialogue" to help others renounce fanatacism, and also destructive ways of living and being in the world. We seek to help others, not as masters who have the answers in hand for dissemination, but as fellow journeyers also seeking to make sense of the world and live faithfully to a deeper purpose of being, renounce ways that are destructive to life in all of its interconnectivity. We cannot demonize, because demons cannot (according to popular myth) be redeemed. And we must all seek redemption, together. There is a t-shirt I want to get that says this: One World, One Karma. Amen.
I have much more to say on this topic, but my movie date with my wife calls to me. May we not forfeit the love of God for some perceived "goal" or "project" that we might feel God has called us to. I think God has called us to love, care, and compassion, for the planet, but also for the wealthy. We must not seek to change them because they hurt the environment, but also because they hurt themselves, just as we see our propensity to hurt ourselves through our greed, pride, fear and prejudice. We seek to help them change, because we care deeply for them, we seek, as thich nhat hanh puts it, "through compassionate dialogue" to help others renounce fanatacism, and also destructive ways of living and being in the world. We seek to help others, not as masters who have the answers in hand for dissemination, but as fellow journeyers also seeking to make sense of the world and live faithfully to a deeper purpose of being, renounce ways that are destructive to life in all of its interconnectivity. We cannot demonize, because demons cannot (according to popular myth) be redeemed. And we must all seek redemption, together. There is a t-shirt I want to get that says this: One World, One Karma. Amen.
Long Overdue.
Well the semester is at long last over, and my journey through Dr. Clayton's Ecotheology class is at an end. Everything else is at its beginning. Really I'd just rather not think about beginnings or endings. I am where I am. Always beginning; always ending.
It is hard to look ahead to what it will be like to continue this journey "on my own," meaning, apart from the amazing classroom experience that I have shared with my peers these past 15 weeks. Not only that, but apart from the immediacy of the Claremont in general. I struggle for ways to become more authentic in my journey, and begin to put things into practice. Two things on the immediate agenda - to follow through with long delayed plans of partaking in the LA South Central Farming Cooperative, purchasing a box of vegetables once every week (or more likely, every two weeks) for 15 dollars, which is delivered to a drop off spot on Sundays, conveniently about 4 major blocks from our apartment. Another is to begin thinking (amidst the search for more stable and full time employment) about purchasing a bike to replace the fume spewing car I drive around (actually gets like 30 mpg, but that still means I'm chugging a gallon of gas every 25-30 miles, more as the car gets older!). This is something I am excited about, and I am praying that I can find work that is within reasonable biking distance (i.e., not Claremont!).
The next, and perhaps most important thing, is to begin to reenter - softly, so as not to become too overwhelmed or falsely passionate (this is a problem of mine) - a community that can sustain, not only a passionate commitment to the environment as a site of sacred experience, but also a deep and transcendent (yes, Claremont folk, I used the "T" word) spirituality that is able to buoy the heaviness of my heart under which I would otherwise collapse. As I read a couple poems by the great Sufi master Hafiz this morning, I was struck by how meloncholy, despairing, and bleak the world can look when you are not able to step back and celebrate the life that teems in it and around it and beyond it.
Lately I have made the horrible mistake of searching for the "answers" to my theological/spiritual questions in the writings of thelogians and philosophers. These only bring on more questions. When I am lost and in need of God, it is not to the theologians that I turn, but to the poets. To Rumi and Hafiz and Kabir. This is where I find my heart now, in these pages.
Friday I hope to attend a temple service at the Pasadena Jewish Temple, and I might begin to explore going to All-Saints Episcopal Church again, though the liturgy feels strange and foreign to me, and calls me to participate in a Christology I simply don't share. I feel kind of outside, alienated, until the sermon - which draws me deeply in. The important thing right now is to remember that a little done from the center is more than a lot done from the fringes. The Tao Te Ching, again: "The ordinary person does many things, yet many things remain to be done. The master does nothing, yet nothing is left undone." I wish I had more conversation partners in the process of integrating this softness - this Aikido/Tai Ch'i wisdom into engaging the outside world. It is so easy to become just another type of dogmatic fundamentalist, spewing guilt and condemnation and false perfectionism everywhere I go. Just an eco-dogmatist, a fundamentalist environmentalist. This too, is false.
More in the above post. Peace.
It is hard to look ahead to what it will be like to continue this journey "on my own," meaning, apart from the amazing classroom experience that I have shared with my peers these past 15 weeks. Not only that, but apart from the immediacy of the Claremont in general. I struggle for ways to become more authentic in my journey, and begin to put things into practice. Two things on the immediate agenda - to follow through with long delayed plans of partaking in the LA South Central Farming Cooperative, purchasing a box of vegetables once every week (or more likely, every two weeks) for 15 dollars, which is delivered to a drop off spot on Sundays, conveniently about 4 major blocks from our apartment. Another is to begin thinking (amidst the search for more stable and full time employment) about purchasing a bike to replace the fume spewing car I drive around (actually gets like 30 mpg, but that still means I'm chugging a gallon of gas every 25-30 miles, more as the car gets older!). This is something I am excited about, and I am praying that I can find work that is within reasonable biking distance (i.e., not Claremont!).
The next, and perhaps most important thing, is to begin to reenter - softly, so as not to become too overwhelmed or falsely passionate (this is a problem of mine) - a community that can sustain, not only a passionate commitment to the environment as a site of sacred experience, but also a deep and transcendent (yes, Claremont folk, I used the "T" word) spirituality that is able to buoy the heaviness of my heart under which I would otherwise collapse. As I read a couple poems by the great Sufi master Hafiz this morning, I was struck by how meloncholy, despairing, and bleak the world can look when you are not able to step back and celebrate the life that teems in it and around it and beyond it.
Lately I have made the horrible mistake of searching for the "answers" to my theological/spiritual questions in the writings of thelogians and philosophers. These only bring on more questions. When I am lost and in need of God, it is not to the theologians that I turn, but to the poets. To Rumi and Hafiz and Kabir. This is where I find my heart now, in these pages.
Friday I hope to attend a temple service at the Pasadena Jewish Temple, and I might begin to explore going to All-Saints Episcopal Church again, though the liturgy feels strange and foreign to me, and calls me to participate in a Christology I simply don't share. I feel kind of outside, alienated, until the sermon - which draws me deeply in. The important thing right now is to remember that a little done from the center is more than a lot done from the fringes. The Tao Te Ching, again: "The ordinary person does many things, yet many things remain to be done. The master does nothing, yet nothing is left undone." I wish I had more conversation partners in the process of integrating this softness - this Aikido/Tai Ch'i wisdom into engaging the outside world. It is so easy to become just another type of dogmatic fundamentalist, spewing guilt and condemnation and false perfectionism everywhere I go. Just an eco-dogmatist, a fundamentalist environmentalist. This too, is false.
More in the above post. Peace.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Ecology as Worldview
Dr. Clayton voiced a concern (though I don't think that is quite the right word - perhaps 'an eager awareness and desire for all of us') in class on Wed. that he isn't sure if the ecological understandings we have been exploring these 14 weeks has yet gotten down to the level of a worldview. I have been thinking about what it means to have a worldview. Is it a way of looking at the world? I think so, but I am concerned that this translates for most people into a way of 'thinking' about the world (only). And I don't think that's true. I think of Thich Nhat Hanh saying, "My actions are my true belongings." Indeed. And perhaps they are our true worldviews. It seems that the ways to change a world view are multiple.
This whole semester I have worked to perform (to live) my life differently, step by step, aware of how alienated I am as a result of my upbringing on social and religious levels. Now what does it mean to make it a holistic world view? A way of looking at the world on all levels, not just intellectualizing, but inclusive of the mind and intellect as an absolutely essential part. To use a tai chi metaphor, I am just now beginning to realize how much tension i hold in my body in virtually everything i do. The question is, how do i live in such a way as to transform that way of being into a way more consistent with tai chi. I ask this now and will continue to ask it ecologically. What does it mean for my relationship to specific animals, trees, blades of grass, insects, fellow homo sapiens? What does it mean for my choices in food, clothing, housing, means of transportation, choice of living location, travel plans, visiting my family (cost of one long flight averages to 2.2 tons of carbon emissions per person!), etc.
What does it mean for my view of God, myself, the world, salvation/liberation, love...? How does this change my relationship to wealth/poverty, to women, to the underclass, the 2/3 world - everything.
More on this later, as my final project comes together. As a preview I will say that mindfulness is center stage. My actions are my true belongings. Breathing is my essential action, mindfulness of it is my essential practice. Soon I learn as I attend to my own breath that my boundaries blur, and I am not so separate from the world around me. In fact, as a world of living beings, we interbreathe. We pass our breath to the trees who pass theirs back to us. When I destroy trees I am damaging my breath, because there is no breath without interbreath. There is no breath on this world without trees, nor without their animal counterparts. We are one together - this must lead to other precepts of buddhism evolving to include this awarness of our eco-beingness. Right view, right action, etc. I can no longer drive a car without realizing that I suffocate myself, and in the suffering of trees and plants, the dirt on which they depend and by which they are sustained and nourished, in the suffering of the ozone and the polar ice caps (and therefore the polar bears and other ice dependent beings) I also suffer.
All this is challenged by the fact that I still eat animal food - but am more and more particular about how much and what kind. And I must say I still see something unique about humanity that I value quite deeply. One thinker says we are those beings in the universe who have evolved the ability to be self aware in a unique way. We are the universe becoming conscious of itself, observing itself. I still swat mosquitos. And I go back to mindfulness. I can't just think this, but must also think it. Breathe. Think. Breathe. Think. Practice. Live. Do. Be.
This whole semester I have worked to perform (to live) my life differently, step by step, aware of how alienated I am as a result of my upbringing on social and religious levels. Now what does it mean to make it a holistic world view? A way of looking at the world on all levels, not just intellectualizing, but inclusive of the mind and intellect as an absolutely essential part. To use a tai chi metaphor, I am just now beginning to realize how much tension i hold in my body in virtually everything i do. The question is, how do i live in such a way as to transform that way of being into a way more consistent with tai chi. I ask this now and will continue to ask it ecologically. What does it mean for my relationship to specific animals, trees, blades of grass, insects, fellow homo sapiens? What does it mean for my choices in food, clothing, housing, means of transportation, choice of living location, travel plans, visiting my family (cost of one long flight averages to 2.2 tons of carbon emissions per person!), etc.
What does it mean for my view of God, myself, the world, salvation/liberation, love...? How does this change my relationship to wealth/poverty, to women, to the underclass, the 2/3 world - everything.
More on this later, as my final project comes together. As a preview I will say that mindfulness is center stage. My actions are my true belongings. Breathing is my essential action, mindfulness of it is my essential practice. Soon I learn as I attend to my own breath that my boundaries blur, and I am not so separate from the world around me. In fact, as a world of living beings, we interbreathe. We pass our breath to the trees who pass theirs back to us. When I destroy trees I am damaging my breath, because there is no breath without interbreath. There is no breath on this world without trees, nor without their animal counterparts. We are one together - this must lead to other precepts of buddhism evolving to include this awarness of our eco-beingness. Right view, right action, etc. I can no longer drive a car without realizing that I suffocate myself, and in the suffering of trees and plants, the dirt on which they depend and by which they are sustained and nourished, in the suffering of the ozone and the polar ice caps (and therefore the polar bears and other ice dependent beings) I also suffer.
All this is challenged by the fact that I still eat animal food - but am more and more particular about how much and what kind. And I must say I still see something unique about humanity that I value quite deeply. One thinker says we are those beings in the universe who have evolved the ability to be self aware in a unique way. We are the universe becoming conscious of itself, observing itself. I still swat mosquitos. And I go back to mindfulness. I can't just think this, but must also think it. Breathe. Think. Breathe. Think. Practice. Live. Do. Be.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Nature.org
Stumbled across Nature.org, where I went to calculate Sabrina's and my joint ecological footprint. It is a fantastic site with lots of wonderful charitable giving opportunities, stories, gift possibilities, and suggestions for new and better ways of living. Check it out; take the time to explore it; it's really quite good.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
....
"Those who know don't speak. Those who speak, don't know." Tao Te Ching
Sometimes I realize that every time I open my mouth I am merely revealing my idiocy. Not so much in what I am saying, but in that I need to say anything at all. Sometimes speaking is more a way at straining toward meaning - toward connecting with others/myself/life/etc. in the midst of such alienation - than a means by which I think I might actually come to any meaningful conclusions. I think sometimes the questions make me isolate - or feel that way. Talking breaks the isolation - or at least pretends to.
My whole life seems a little unreal right now. There is this tugging at me in so many different directions, and I am sitting there wondering if it matters what my dreams are - what I long for. Then I wonder if I'd have any idea anyway. And I don't think it's so much about my dreams as it is about my authentic understanding of what it means to be in the world for me - Jonathan - not dictated by my schizophrenic super-ego that now can't even agree on one single way to guilt and shame me into being not good enough, but traps me so that even if i listen to one directive I end up violating another (American-dream super ego vs. Claremont School of Theology Progressive Christian super ego, etc.). Sometimes I step back and wonder who the fuck I am!!!
Because if I don't know, what good is it going to do to go forward when I basically feel like the numbed out videos you see of people prodded along lines onto the trains that will take them to Dachau? Yeah. Morose image.
One thing I've realized is that none of us knows how to stop. We know how to do, to act, to learn, to grow, to strive, to produce, to rest (for the sake of recharging, ie. to produce better), but I don't think rest is for the sake of working better. I think Heschel agrees with me. Work preceeded God's rest. There's something sacred about stopping - about stillness - that is an end in and of itself. I wonder what will happen if the progressive liberals end up having amazing victories in the political spheres - new legislation to protect the environment, new laws governing treatment of immigrants, etc - but no one learns how to stop - how to slow down - how to do nothing.
There's a line in the Tao Te Ching - "can you be still until your mud settles and you can see clearly? can you do nothing until the right action arises by itself?" I think we can fight all the battles for environmental justice that we want, but until we learn to stop the incessant need to produce - be it production of nuclear arms or production of new green legislation - then we will never be settled. And if humans are never settled, we will always need something to destroy, something to dominate, something to use or utilize, some addiction, some entertainment, something. We don't know how to be with ourselves. We don't know how to be with ourselves. Our culture is built upon noise - and persons who seek silence amidst their daily lives are estranged and seen as weird.
Our culture moves us from one tv show to the next, gives us entertainment after entertainment, and i do NOT think we will know how to be at peace again until we start to live in harmony with nature and with ourselves. When we stop the habit energy of production - the proving of ourselves to others - we will be able to start returning to a place where we can be more at peace. But until we are at peace with ourselves - we will always need more distractions to run to. more distractions means a need for more toys, more recreational devices, places, vacations, etc. What if our vacation were a sabbath? Or a tea ceremony? A meditation? Yoga or tai chi? How are we at simply not moving, letting the murky water we are constantly stirring settle so that we can finally see what our faces look like?
Perhaps we can take a day and simply do nothing. Perhaps we can simply take 3 hours and do nothing. Sadly LA is broken in a lot of ways - it is hard to find a lake, or a quiet field or forest where we can just be. Don't journal. Don't process through things. Don't take a bible and read it. Don't learn anything. Just sit and don't do anything and see how damn hard it is. Watch all the conditioning pull at you - scream at you about how you are wasting time and life.... See if it shocks you how much your body and mind scream and rail against simply being still. See if it shocks you to realize that deep down there is this sense that simply being you is not enough - you have to do, to prove, to struggle, to strive, to prepare, to plan, to create, to store away in expectation, you have to study or pray or teach or help or journal or process or any number of things.
No wonder we are so easily convinced to need new toys. New tools. New vacations. My deepest prayer is that I can learn how to rest, with each of you - to be a sabbath, to experience a sabbath's sacred rest. To have a simply tea ceremony that lasts 2 or 3 hours. There are so many things. May I - May you - May we - live in such a way that we are enough without all of our doing - may we find a world where each step, each breath, is enough. Where we can be right where we are.
Peace and Grace. Namaste.
Sometimes I realize that every time I open my mouth I am merely revealing my idiocy. Not so much in what I am saying, but in that I need to say anything at all. Sometimes speaking is more a way at straining toward meaning - toward connecting with others/myself/life/etc. in the midst of such alienation - than a means by which I think I might actually come to any meaningful conclusions. I think sometimes the questions make me isolate - or feel that way. Talking breaks the isolation - or at least pretends to.
My whole life seems a little unreal right now. There is this tugging at me in so many different directions, and I am sitting there wondering if it matters what my dreams are - what I long for. Then I wonder if I'd have any idea anyway. And I don't think it's so much about my dreams as it is about my authentic understanding of what it means to be in the world for me - Jonathan - not dictated by my schizophrenic super-ego that now can't even agree on one single way to guilt and shame me into being not good enough, but traps me so that even if i listen to one directive I end up violating another (American-dream super ego vs. Claremont School of Theology Progressive Christian super ego, etc.). Sometimes I step back and wonder who the fuck I am!!!
Because if I don't know, what good is it going to do to go forward when I basically feel like the numbed out videos you see of people prodded along lines onto the trains that will take them to Dachau? Yeah. Morose image.
One thing I've realized is that none of us knows how to stop. We know how to do, to act, to learn, to grow, to strive, to produce, to rest (for the sake of recharging, ie. to produce better), but I don't think rest is for the sake of working better. I think Heschel agrees with me. Work preceeded God's rest. There's something sacred about stopping - about stillness - that is an end in and of itself. I wonder what will happen if the progressive liberals end up having amazing victories in the political spheres - new legislation to protect the environment, new laws governing treatment of immigrants, etc - but no one learns how to stop - how to slow down - how to do nothing.
There's a line in the Tao Te Ching - "can you be still until your mud settles and you can see clearly? can you do nothing until the right action arises by itself?" I think we can fight all the battles for environmental justice that we want, but until we learn to stop the incessant need to produce - be it production of nuclear arms or production of new green legislation - then we will never be settled. And if humans are never settled, we will always need something to destroy, something to dominate, something to use or utilize, some addiction, some entertainment, something. We don't know how to be with ourselves. We don't know how to be with ourselves. Our culture is built upon noise - and persons who seek silence amidst their daily lives are estranged and seen as weird.
Our culture moves us from one tv show to the next, gives us entertainment after entertainment, and i do NOT think we will know how to be at peace again until we start to live in harmony with nature and with ourselves. When we stop the habit energy of production - the proving of ourselves to others - we will be able to start returning to a place where we can be more at peace. But until we are at peace with ourselves - we will always need more distractions to run to. more distractions means a need for more toys, more recreational devices, places, vacations, etc. What if our vacation were a sabbath? Or a tea ceremony? A meditation? Yoga or tai chi? How are we at simply not moving, letting the murky water we are constantly stirring settle so that we can finally see what our faces look like?
Perhaps we can take a day and simply do nothing. Perhaps we can simply take 3 hours and do nothing. Sadly LA is broken in a lot of ways - it is hard to find a lake, or a quiet field or forest where we can just be. Don't journal. Don't process through things. Don't take a bible and read it. Don't learn anything. Just sit and don't do anything and see how damn hard it is. Watch all the conditioning pull at you - scream at you about how you are wasting time and life.... See if it shocks you how much your body and mind scream and rail against simply being still. See if it shocks you to realize that deep down there is this sense that simply being you is not enough - you have to do, to prove, to struggle, to strive, to prepare, to plan, to create, to store away in expectation, you have to study or pray or teach or help or journal or process or any number of things.
No wonder we are so easily convinced to need new toys. New tools. New vacations. My deepest prayer is that I can learn how to rest, with each of you - to be a sabbath, to experience a sabbath's sacred rest. To have a simply tea ceremony that lasts 2 or 3 hours. There are so many things. May I - May you - May we - live in such a way that we are enough without all of our doing - may we find a world where each step, each breath, is enough. Where we can be right where we are.
Peace and Grace. Namaste.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Hey everyone (anyone)...
Let me know if you read this. I need to know it's worth doing and more than just a little different kind of journaling. Thanks.
Jonathan
Jonathan
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Anna Karenina
This is where I find myself:
"Levin knew that when he got home he must first of all go to his wife, who was not well, and that the peasants who had been waiting for three hours to see him could wait a little longer. He knew too that, regardless of all the pleasure he felt in hiving a swarm, he must forego that pleasure, and leave the old man to tend to the bees alone, while he talked to the peasants who had come after him to the apiary.
Whether he was acting rightly or wrongly he did not know, and not only would he not try to prove anything nowadays, but he avoided all thought or talk about it.
Deliberation had brought him to doubt, and prevented him fro seeing what he ought to do and what he ought not. When he did not think, but simply lived, he was continually aware of the presence of an infallible judge in his soul, determining which of two possible courses of action was the better and which was the worse, and as soon as he did not act rightly, he was at once aware of it.
So he lived, not knowing and not seeing any chance of knowing what he was and what he was living for..."
from Anna Karenina, p. 824-5.
This has been with me since the moment I first read it, and it is with me still.
"Levin knew that when he got home he must first of all go to his wife, who was not well, and that the peasants who had been waiting for three hours to see him could wait a little longer. He knew too that, regardless of all the pleasure he felt in hiving a swarm, he must forego that pleasure, and leave the old man to tend to the bees alone, while he talked to the peasants who had come after him to the apiary.
Whether he was acting rightly or wrongly he did not know, and not only would he not try to prove anything nowadays, but he avoided all thought or talk about it.
Deliberation had brought him to doubt, and prevented him fro seeing what he ought to do and what he ought not. When he did not think, but simply lived, he was continually aware of the presence of an infallible judge in his soul, determining which of two possible courses of action was the better and which was the worse, and as soon as he did not act rightly, he was at once aware of it.
So he lived, not knowing and not seeing any chance of knowing what he was and what he was living for..."
from Anna Karenina, p. 824-5.
This has been with me since the moment I first read it, and it is with me still.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I should add that amidst all this I still have hope. I don't know why. Maybe it is so overwhelming that I am aware I can't carry it - am not supposed to carry it. I'm not as depressed as I was before I confronted how much hurt there is inside of me. Now that I am honest with my struggles and my doubts about God - my utter frustration and anger at the way things are, and my complete admission of how powerlessness to do anything about it I am(anything that feels worth a damn) - I am able to move forward honestly, and don't have to let my soul be destroyed by this hurt and confusion.
A Little More..
Below is a lot of venting. But I'm putting this down for now. It's too much. I am sure you got that from reading what I wrote. But I'm suffering-ed out right now. Time to give myself a break - find ways to renew and find some sense of who i am amidst all of this. I can't save the world - the questions I face are many - but I can't answer them right now, and trying to isn't going to help. For now I am simply silent.
Lyrics
"You'll find the answer if you let it go. Just give yourself some time to falter, and don't forgo knowing that you're loved no matter what. And everything will come around in time."
That is from the song "Perfect Girl" by Sarah McLachlan. Listening to this cd, which I forgot I had, over the past two days has been healing for my soul, which is wrenched apart by a life that seems overly focused on suffering, pain, loss, and human evil. I've always had a blessing and a curse in my difficulty leaving things in the classroom. I wrap my heart and mind around new issues and uncertain issues continually. Searching for answers, if answers be had. As I compile final edits on my book that I look to publish come fall or sooner I feel so distant from the place I was when I wrote that. The part of the quote with which I now wrestle is the end. Will things come around in time? Will they "be okay?" I want to look at all the good this world has to offer, but frankly I am a little overwhelmed by the fact that after all this time humans still torture each other, go to war, enslave, rape, oppress, and so blatantly exploit other human beings.
That old concept of original sin looks so much more appealing to me than it has in a long time. I have faith in the individual good of humans, but am losing faith in the good or progress of humanity. I want to say we have progressed - and in areas, we have, but in other areas it seems as though we are simply spinning our wheels. I am so sick of spinning our wheels. As I look at what is really going on in the world I think of Fahrenheit 451 - I think of Wall-E, and how close we seem sometimes to those people who are so engrossed in what they are doing that they don't even know there's another world out there.
And most troubling is that I don't even know how to approach the situation on my own. I want to say there's a type of top down spiritual causation of which I long to be a part, but, to be honest, my faith is shaken. I've moved away from a sorrowful and heartbroken God of pathos because for a long time it was really unhealthy for me to experience the guilt brought about by thinking God wept for my sin and failure. Now as I weep because of the fact that worldwide women are still marginalized, dehumanized, objectified, raped, abused, and generally scapegoated, I wonder if God does not also weep in some way. Weep for the loss of "His" children. The story of the fall perplexes me deeply. What would it mean to return to the tree of life. Where is it? Because either there is some sort of DEEP rift between humans and divine presence, or there is no God, or there is not "sentient" God - some kind of divine God-force that we can open ourselves to and be transformed, but nothing acting consciously on the behalf of humanity and the rest of nature/creation. Even the Process understanding that God is NOT all powerful, but acts through a kind of creative lure, a persuasive and relational power rather than coercive unilateral power, is beginning to seem a bit hollow. It's sad to think that there are saleswomen out there who are more persuasive than God.
Moltmann talks about how in Christ God experiences God-forsakenness. "My God My God Why have you forsaken me?" is the cry. On the cross Christ experiences the utter terror and aloneness of being forsaken by God. Through his resurrection and ascension that is not the end, but the experience of God forsakenness is there, and has been taken up into God and integrated into God's being. Now God is present in the midst of God-forsakenness. When we are forsaken by God, God is present. In the negation of God, God comes to us in the crucified one, crying out from his own God-forsakenness. In our forsakenness we are not forsaken.
If God became enfleshed in Jesus in a unique and nearly impossible to understand way, then the terror of that moment must have been so absolute as to be unimaginable. I've heard that when people are in the midst of suffering they do not ask why God allows it to happen, but rather "where is God?" And as women and children are raped and abused around the world, and as we try to fix the economic system that we invented by pumping more and more money into it, hoping that productivity will once again save the day, all the while people are starving, species are going extinct, and hatred, greed, and resignation abound. And I have to ask myself what is my place in all of this? And as I leave Claremont with sixty thousand dollars in student loans to repay from all of my schooling up until now, I have no sense of freedom. I do not feel free. The opposite. I feel imprisoned by the economic order, I feel imprisoned by my own lack of experience. My desire to experience transformational travel abroad is refuted by the fact that we struggle right now to ensure we have enough money to pay all of our bills, while maintaining enough for the things that keep us sane.
And the fact of the matter is, action is just not enough. Letter writing isn't enough. Protesting isn't enough. But who says I have to do "enough"? What is it about humans - about me - that produces a sense of obligation to those we cannot even see? Where is God in all of this, and how will it change my own understanding of the world if I begin to consider a much more drastic cosmological rift between Divinity and "creation." Those people in Darfur who are ravaged and dying - humans doing this to other humans that they do not see as human. We say we have learned from the holocaust, but who is "we"?
Now we are caught up in this ridiculous capitalist system we have created for ourselves in which everyone must continue to produce and spend or it all falls to pieces. It hurts. And if your first response is to give me answers, or theology, then you haven't heard me. If that is your need, to explain it to me and make it make sense, don't. It doesn't make sense and it does hurt. This world makes no sense. A God who created it makes no sense. I hope the mystics are right. I hope this really is a very bad dream from which we will all one day awaken, sweat dripping down our spiritual faces and bodies, and breathe a grateful cry of relief that it was not as we had imagined it after all. That there is something else. That there is another realm, another place, another reality that we are not seeing here that makes it all make sense, that makes it worth the pain and the suffering. If there is a God I hope we can come home to that God soon, whatever that looks like, however it manifests.
That is from the song "Perfect Girl" by Sarah McLachlan. Listening to this cd, which I forgot I had, over the past two days has been healing for my soul, which is wrenched apart by a life that seems overly focused on suffering, pain, loss, and human evil. I've always had a blessing and a curse in my difficulty leaving things in the classroom. I wrap my heart and mind around new issues and uncertain issues continually. Searching for answers, if answers be had. As I compile final edits on my book that I look to publish come fall or sooner I feel so distant from the place I was when I wrote that. The part of the quote with which I now wrestle is the end. Will things come around in time? Will they "be okay?" I want to look at all the good this world has to offer, but frankly I am a little overwhelmed by the fact that after all this time humans still torture each other, go to war, enslave, rape, oppress, and so blatantly exploit other human beings.
That old concept of original sin looks so much more appealing to me than it has in a long time. I have faith in the individual good of humans, but am losing faith in the good or progress of humanity. I want to say we have progressed - and in areas, we have, but in other areas it seems as though we are simply spinning our wheels. I am so sick of spinning our wheels. As I look at what is really going on in the world I think of Fahrenheit 451 - I think of Wall-E, and how close we seem sometimes to those people who are so engrossed in what they are doing that they don't even know there's another world out there.
And most troubling is that I don't even know how to approach the situation on my own. I want to say there's a type of top down spiritual causation of which I long to be a part, but, to be honest, my faith is shaken. I've moved away from a sorrowful and heartbroken God of pathos because for a long time it was really unhealthy for me to experience the guilt brought about by thinking God wept for my sin and failure. Now as I weep because of the fact that worldwide women are still marginalized, dehumanized, objectified, raped, abused, and generally scapegoated, I wonder if God does not also weep in some way. Weep for the loss of "His" children. The story of the fall perplexes me deeply. What would it mean to return to the tree of life. Where is it? Because either there is some sort of DEEP rift between humans and divine presence, or there is no God, or there is not "sentient" God - some kind of divine God-force that we can open ourselves to and be transformed, but nothing acting consciously on the behalf of humanity and the rest of nature/creation. Even the Process understanding that God is NOT all powerful, but acts through a kind of creative lure, a persuasive and relational power rather than coercive unilateral power, is beginning to seem a bit hollow. It's sad to think that there are saleswomen out there who are more persuasive than God.
Moltmann talks about how in Christ God experiences God-forsakenness. "My God My God Why have you forsaken me?" is the cry. On the cross Christ experiences the utter terror and aloneness of being forsaken by God. Through his resurrection and ascension that is not the end, but the experience of God forsakenness is there, and has been taken up into God and integrated into God's being. Now God is present in the midst of God-forsakenness. When we are forsaken by God, God is present. In the negation of God, God comes to us in the crucified one, crying out from his own God-forsakenness. In our forsakenness we are not forsaken.
If God became enfleshed in Jesus in a unique and nearly impossible to understand way, then the terror of that moment must have been so absolute as to be unimaginable. I've heard that when people are in the midst of suffering they do not ask why God allows it to happen, but rather "where is God?" And as women and children are raped and abused around the world, and as we try to fix the economic system that we invented by pumping more and more money into it, hoping that productivity will once again save the day, all the while people are starving, species are going extinct, and hatred, greed, and resignation abound. And I have to ask myself what is my place in all of this? And as I leave Claremont with sixty thousand dollars in student loans to repay from all of my schooling up until now, I have no sense of freedom. I do not feel free. The opposite. I feel imprisoned by the economic order, I feel imprisoned by my own lack of experience. My desire to experience transformational travel abroad is refuted by the fact that we struggle right now to ensure we have enough money to pay all of our bills, while maintaining enough for the things that keep us sane.
And the fact of the matter is, action is just not enough. Letter writing isn't enough. Protesting isn't enough. But who says I have to do "enough"? What is it about humans - about me - that produces a sense of obligation to those we cannot even see? Where is God in all of this, and how will it change my own understanding of the world if I begin to consider a much more drastic cosmological rift between Divinity and "creation." Those people in Darfur who are ravaged and dying - humans doing this to other humans that they do not see as human. We say we have learned from the holocaust, but who is "we"?
Now we are caught up in this ridiculous capitalist system we have created for ourselves in which everyone must continue to produce and spend or it all falls to pieces. It hurts. And if your first response is to give me answers, or theology, then you haven't heard me. If that is your need, to explain it to me and make it make sense, don't. It doesn't make sense and it does hurt. This world makes no sense. A God who created it makes no sense. I hope the mystics are right. I hope this really is a very bad dream from which we will all one day awaken, sweat dripping down our spiritual faces and bodies, and breathe a grateful cry of relief that it was not as we had imagined it after all. That there is something else. That there is another realm, another place, another reality that we are not seeing here that makes it all make sense, that makes it worth the pain and the suffering. If there is a God I hope we can come home to that God soon, whatever that looks like, however it manifests.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Paper Towels and the Future
So I just went to clean off our glass coffee table, for which I grabbed a bottle of spray cleaner and tore a paper towel off the roll. It was amazing, as soon as I tore off the paper towel it was if I could feel the connection to the tree from which that table came - me tearing a piece of life out of that tree in order to wipe down my coffee table. I realized a little more how disconnected we are from nature - from the awareness of where our "things" come from and how our actions affect the whole. My whole life I've used paper towels for little silly things - cleaning spills of water or juice off of the counter or floor, wiping coffee tables, eating a bagel or peeling an orange when I've not wanted to use a plate. This was the first time I really began to understand that when I tear a paper towel off of that roll I am impacting nature - choosing to use the gifts (or plundered spoils) of a living thing for my purposes. It's not that I feel we have no right to use anything from the natural world for desired ends, but I do think we should exercise some degree of prudence! I mean, a coffee table! Seriously. I don't think I need to contribue to logging, to deforestation, to some landfill somewhere, just to clean off a coffee table. So I went and got reusable rag and used that instead. Is that a perfect alternative? No. Of course not. There's still the probability that that rag originated in an outsourced sweatshop somewhere, and the awareness of the water and power I will use to wash it (among other items of laundry) in the near future, but as far as I'm concerned it's infinitely better than the one time use of a paper towel that is then thrown away. It's not a matter of whether it will make a difference in the world or not, it is a matter of living a certain way because I am aware that it is a better way to live - a more loving, compassionate, aware way to be in the world. A way that challenges the egocentric american sense of entitlement that I have inherited.
As far as other things I have mean to discuss - there is the matter of my future. So many possibilities on the horizon that, while it scares me to have this vacuous year of uncertainty followed by another one after it, I am grateful to have the next year to not simply continue on the inertia path I have been on. Time to think about PhD work, find a spiritual community, become involved in cooperative farming efforts, continue to examine the ways we live, work to get my book published, start paying back some student loans, read, etc. I guess the difference for me now is the ability to live in the ambiguities - to exist in the sense of process and not chase some illusory point of arrival where it is "figured out." Maybe I will pursue PhD work and academic possibilities; maybe I will puruse a degree at Naropa - Ecopsychology, or an MDiv; maybe a Christian MDiv. The thing is, I have many other existential things that are in process for me right now besides the ecological issue. It is true that things seem to come from and point back to ecology for me, but there are many more questions, many more explorations. This time away from claremont will give me space for that. It will also give me space for my wife, our marriage, my writing, and (hopefully) friendships. All of these I have, to some degree or another, neglected over the past couple years I have been at CST. One thing is certain - I am eager to move on from southern california - I am eager to be visit nature - to live where there are stars - hundreds of them that are visible to the naked eye. Thousands of them. I am eager to live somewhere that there are forests or streams or rivers or lakes. Somewhere there are open fields and hiking trails. For now that is all.
As far as other things I have mean to discuss - there is the matter of my future. So many possibilities on the horizon that, while it scares me to have this vacuous year of uncertainty followed by another one after it, I am grateful to have the next year to not simply continue on the inertia path I have been on. Time to think about PhD work, find a spiritual community, become involved in cooperative farming efforts, continue to examine the ways we live, work to get my book published, start paying back some student loans, read, etc. I guess the difference for me now is the ability to live in the ambiguities - to exist in the sense of process and not chase some illusory point of arrival where it is "figured out." Maybe I will pursue PhD work and academic possibilities; maybe I will puruse a degree at Naropa - Ecopsychology, or an MDiv; maybe a Christian MDiv. The thing is, I have many other existential things that are in process for me right now besides the ecological issue. It is true that things seem to come from and point back to ecology for me, but there are many more questions, many more explorations. This time away from claremont will give me space for that. It will also give me space for my wife, our marriage, my writing, and (hopefully) friendships. All of these I have, to some degree or another, neglected over the past couple years I have been at CST. One thing is certain - I am eager to move on from southern california - I am eager to be visit nature - to live where there are stars - hundreds of them that are visible to the naked eye. Thousands of them. I am eager to live somewhere that there are forests or streams or rivers or lakes. Somewhere there are open fields and hiking trails. For now that is all.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
DTV Box
I guess I should also preface the remainder of my posts by saying that I don't intend to censor my thoughts. If anything I say offends you or presses a button about a particular lifestyle choice you have (consciously or subconsciously) made or adopted, I am not sorry. This is exactly why I have created this blog, to help me work through the constant button pushing within my self. With that said...
"The shape taken by consumerism in the modern world, however, involves not just the multiplication of what you get, but the endless expansion of what you want." - Roger Gottlieb, A Greener Faith, p. 217.
Today I swung by Target and picked up a Digital Converter Box for our TV. We don't have Cable or Satellite or any special TV perks, so when they make the switch from analog to digital, we lose our tv, unless we pick up one of these little DTV converter boxes. So I did. Then I realized I didn't even think about it. Sabrina had the foresight and wisdom to get us one of the $40 coupons from the government to help us purchase the $50 box, so I figured, hey, only ten bucks, why not! I got home and realized I had just bought this thing. I had no idea why I had bought it other than the ingrained assumption that of course I would buy it!!! So the US decides to switch its TV from analog to digital and so some outsourced factory in China (yes it is made in China, I checked) that probably pays their workers, well, not much, now has to produced however many million of these little boxes. And we buy them all up. How long would I have had to wait to buy one of these used? A month? A year? How long till I could purchase one that doesn't perpetuate the cycle of economic and environmental exploitation caused by buying things that our modern society has brainwashed us to believe are "needs?" (And, I might add isolated us relationally, socially, spiritually, existentially, so that in a lot of ways, these stupid little boxes ARE needs. TV's have replaced families, supportive spiritual communities, working the land, etc.)
Once TV didn't exist. Then it did. Then it became a necessity. Then cable. Now maybe it is a shift from cable to satellite or Direct TV. People are always surprised when they find out we don't have cable. "How can you live without cable?" or, "I couldn't live without cable!" Really? Because I find it weird that when confronted with the choice of how to spend $30 a month - cable tv or supporting a child overseas who needs food shelter and an education, we choose cable. Or internet, or cell phones. Because while I might not have cable, I sure have a cell phone, and though we are blessed to have wireless access, if we didn't, we'd probably be paying for internet too.
So our whole society has progressed to the point where, yeah, cable is a NEED for a whole wealth of people! I bought this box. Why? Because it's tv. We're busy people who come home tired and want to "veg out." But instead of looking deeply into our lifestyle and refusing those choices that lead to the exhaustion and overwork, we buy boxes made in china and shipped around the world so that my spoiled ass can watch House. Really?
Six years ago this would have been filled with guilt, self-hatred, self-condemnation, judgmentalism of others to make myself feel better, etc. Now I'm just awed. I look at this system that we live in - and think about how, in order to stimulate the dying economy, we pump more money into the consumption machine. Tell people to buy more, stimulate the market. Sometimes it stops me short to realize that we have enough food and resources to feed and clothe the entire world. Why don't we? Loyalty to some economic, globalized system of capitalism from which we cannot de-entrench ourselves. There are people living on the streets, and I have extra food. But I have so many rationalizations about systemic, psychological issues that let me go along with my life that will be geared toward serving humanity as a whole, yes I don't know how to serve the person next to me. I feel unnerved.
Over thanksgiving I attended a church service in Greensboro. The (New Thought, mind you) pastor talked about how this economic crisis is a wonderful opportunity to reassess our values. It also is a wonderful opportunity to rethink what we mean when we say "prosperity," which is a key spiritual value in New Thought traditions. How wealthy is a country that has more food and toys than we know what to do with and yet we are still not happy. And every year tv commercials (that I just bought a stupid box so that we could continue to watch them) manage to convince us that what we have isn't enough and that we want or need more. In Peaceful Warrior (the movie - watch it if you haven't seen it) Nick Nolte's character asks the main character, Dan, "are you happy?" A gymnast who breezes through his college classes, is popular, "only sleeps alone when [he] absolutely want[s] to," and is on the brink of qualifying for the olympics. Yeah - but are you happy? No. Of course not.
Are we really the most prosperous nation in the world? Because everything I have heard from friends who have visited Kenya - even those who are struggling to survive - they are rich, they are joyful, they are prosperous (obviously not the whole country, but the specific Kenyan churches with whom my friends have worked).
So how do I disentangle myself - how do sabrina and I together, with all our differing desires, needs, preferences, visions for the future, etc., disentangle ourselves - from the web of consumerism, that to be "normal" you have to have a tv, a cell phone, a car (or two - or an SUV - or two), and on and on it goes. And what path do I pursue for my future that allows me to live integrously in a world gone wrong - and still to love that world, care for it, help honor it with my heart and soul and spirit? That, I suppose, can be the topic of my NEXT blog. Sorry, already, this was not short. Not even close.
Peace.
"The shape taken by consumerism in the modern world, however, involves not just the multiplication of what you get, but the endless expansion of what you want." - Roger Gottlieb, A Greener Faith, p. 217.
Today I swung by Target and picked up a Digital Converter Box for our TV. We don't have Cable or Satellite or any special TV perks, so when they make the switch from analog to digital, we lose our tv, unless we pick up one of these little DTV converter boxes. So I did. Then I realized I didn't even think about it. Sabrina had the foresight and wisdom to get us one of the $40 coupons from the government to help us purchase the $50 box, so I figured, hey, only ten bucks, why not! I got home and realized I had just bought this thing. I had no idea why I had bought it other than the ingrained assumption that of course I would buy it!!! So the US decides to switch its TV from analog to digital and so some outsourced factory in China (yes it is made in China, I checked) that probably pays their workers, well, not much, now has to produced however many million of these little boxes. And we buy them all up. How long would I have had to wait to buy one of these used? A month? A year? How long till I could purchase one that doesn't perpetuate the cycle of economic and environmental exploitation caused by buying things that our modern society has brainwashed us to believe are "needs?" (And, I might add isolated us relationally, socially, spiritually, existentially, so that in a lot of ways, these stupid little boxes ARE needs. TV's have replaced families, supportive spiritual communities, working the land, etc.)
Once TV didn't exist. Then it did. Then it became a necessity. Then cable. Now maybe it is a shift from cable to satellite or Direct TV. People are always surprised when they find out we don't have cable. "How can you live without cable?" or, "I couldn't live without cable!" Really? Because I find it weird that when confronted with the choice of how to spend $30 a month - cable tv or supporting a child overseas who needs food shelter and an education, we choose cable. Or internet, or cell phones. Because while I might not have cable, I sure have a cell phone, and though we are blessed to have wireless access, if we didn't, we'd probably be paying for internet too.
So our whole society has progressed to the point where, yeah, cable is a NEED for a whole wealth of people! I bought this box. Why? Because it's tv. We're busy people who come home tired and want to "veg out." But instead of looking deeply into our lifestyle and refusing those choices that lead to the exhaustion and overwork, we buy boxes made in china and shipped around the world so that my spoiled ass can watch House. Really?
Six years ago this would have been filled with guilt, self-hatred, self-condemnation, judgmentalism of others to make myself feel better, etc. Now I'm just awed. I look at this system that we live in - and think about how, in order to stimulate the dying economy, we pump more money into the consumption machine. Tell people to buy more, stimulate the market. Sometimes it stops me short to realize that we have enough food and resources to feed and clothe the entire world. Why don't we? Loyalty to some economic, globalized system of capitalism from which we cannot de-entrench ourselves. There are people living on the streets, and I have extra food. But I have so many rationalizations about systemic, psychological issues that let me go along with my life that will be geared toward serving humanity as a whole, yes I don't know how to serve the person next to me. I feel unnerved.
Over thanksgiving I attended a church service in Greensboro. The (New Thought, mind you) pastor talked about how this economic crisis is a wonderful opportunity to reassess our values. It also is a wonderful opportunity to rethink what we mean when we say "prosperity," which is a key spiritual value in New Thought traditions. How wealthy is a country that has more food and toys than we know what to do with and yet we are still not happy. And every year tv commercials (that I just bought a stupid box so that we could continue to watch them) manage to convince us that what we have isn't enough and that we want or need more. In Peaceful Warrior (the movie - watch it if you haven't seen it) Nick Nolte's character asks the main character, Dan, "are you happy?" A gymnast who breezes through his college classes, is popular, "only sleeps alone when [he] absolutely want[s] to," and is on the brink of qualifying for the olympics. Yeah - but are you happy? No. Of course not.
Are we really the most prosperous nation in the world? Because everything I have heard from friends who have visited Kenya - even those who are struggling to survive - they are rich, they are joyful, they are prosperous (obviously not the whole country, but the specific Kenyan churches with whom my friends have worked).
So how do I disentangle myself - how do sabrina and I together, with all our differing desires, needs, preferences, visions for the future, etc., disentangle ourselves - from the web of consumerism, that to be "normal" you have to have a tv, a cell phone, a car (or two - or an SUV - or two), and on and on it goes. And what path do I pursue for my future that allows me to live integrously in a world gone wrong - and still to love that world, care for it, help honor it with my heart and soul and spirit? That, I suppose, can be the topic of my NEXT blog. Sorry, already, this was not short. Not even close.
Peace.
Beginnings...
What is an ecojourner? For years I have used "sojourner" as a secondary screen name. As I sat thinking of this venture - my desire to record my struggles with understanding and living a life that is spiritual and ecological (indeed to live a life that understands the spiritual and ecological as one) - the name "ecojourner" seemed naturally fitting. One who sojourns with relation to ecology. A journeyer through environmental understanding, connectedness, activities, prayer, etc.
So that's what this blog is. It is the record of my thoughts - my understandings, or lack thereof, about things that pertain to the spiritual life and to the environment. For instance, how can I reconstruct my life from here forward so that I don't have to drive 35 minutes to school and back? Where do I go after I leave Claremont? How do I make sure the year before Sabrina's (my wife's) internship is not wasted, without trying to ensure its significance in some fearful ego-driven need to be productive or impressive to others (or to myself)? I'll stop here. So that people can actually read this post. And I will try to make my successive posts relatively short. Knowing me, that is probably an empty promise. But I will try.
So that's what this blog is. It is the record of my thoughts - my understandings, or lack thereof, about things that pertain to the spiritual life and to the environment. For instance, how can I reconstruct my life from here forward so that I don't have to drive 35 minutes to school and back? Where do I go after I leave Claremont? How do I make sure the year before Sabrina's (my wife's) internship is not wasted, without trying to ensure its significance in some fearful ego-driven need to be productive or impressive to others (or to myself)? I'll stop here. So that people can actually read this post. And I will try to make my successive posts relatively short. Knowing me, that is probably an empty promise. But I will try.
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